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May 30, 2011 / iainnd

Student Forums Can Be Helpful Sometimes

I have a uni assignment due later this week. Rather than sit down and actually do it, I decided I’d waste some time on the forum for the subject. I think this will help me. Read more…
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May 19, 2011 / iainnd

Young man killed by falling from 7th floor balcony, absolutely nothing else

A twenty-year-old man died tragically on Sunday from a seven-storey fall after making the decision to lie down on top of a railing, and from absolutely nothing else.

Acton Beale, a grown adult with no known developmental disorders, is remembered as “someone who should have fucking known better, really.”

While traditionally reserved for infinitely more sensible locations such as beds, couches, and floors, the worldwide phenomena of lying down on things began long before humanity existed.

“While there are no dangers in the act of lying down in itself,” every single person in the world said, “people should avoid doing things that could result in them ending up on the wrong side of a railing.”

Guard rails, which were invented to protect people from accidental falls that could cause serious injury and death, exist for literally no other reason.

“If a rail is somewhere – especially on the balcony of an apartment on the seventh floor – it means something bad could happen if you end up on the other side,” the entire planet told reporters. Those with fully-functioning brains went on to say that lying down – or even standing or sitting – on a railing that high up, is an inherently bad decision. “Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? I feel like I shouldn’t even have to say that,” the whole population of Earth added.

Authorities are calling claims that an internet fad was responsible for the death “fucking ridiculous, I mean, come on.”

May 12, 2011 / iainnd

To Kill A Mockingbird, as understood by someone who didn’t read it

Author’s note: I had to read this book for school in Year 10, which was seven years ago. I got less than a quarter of the way through it, but I’m pretty sure this is what it was about. Read more…

May 3, 2011 / iainnd

An Open Letter To Kesha (or Ke$ha)

Dear Kesha;

First up, I hope it’s not too presumptuous to refer to you by your civilian name rather than your stage name (with the dollar sign), but I figure I should get used to it. See, the reason I’m writing to you is because I am thoroughly convinced that we could – nay, verily we should – be best friends. It is very difficult for me to keep this letter brief, as the reasons are so vastly numerous. Below I’ve listed the most important ones, only some of them involving my dong. Read more…

April 20, 2011 / iainnd

Mystery in the Big City! – A Gossip Girl Story

Author’s note: This is what I actually believe Gossip Girl to be about. Read more…

April 11, 2011 / iainnd

A Thing That Totally Happened: The Iain Newton-Doull Story

The other day on Facebook, this thing happened:

So this is that. Read more…

March 3, 2011 / iainnd

A Memory from My Childhood, and Reflections on Education

I remember my Year 3 teacher Miss Bodel, whenever she wanted the class to do something, she would employ the magic trick that all adults use – counting. You’d have to all gather up the front or whatever she asked by the time she counted to 5. And like all adults, she would give us bonus time if we were taking longer than expected, which is to say, she’d start counting fractions between 3 and 5. Unlike other adults – and in fact, unlike anyone who has ever learned to add – there was something off about the way she did it. She would count thusly:
“One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Four and a half.
Four and three quarters.
Four and no more makes five.”

Even then, I was always tempted to ask that she recheck her maths on that one. But of course when you’re 8 years old, “being right” is called “back-chatting,” and that gets you in trouble. Still, I never liked that someone who took counting lessons from Bono would be trusted to impart knowledge to our nation’s youth.

Hell, maybe she is single-handedly responsible for the “your/you’re” confusion that many adults suffer from to this very day.

I have a friend who once asked someone “If my dad can’t spell a word, and I can’t spell a word, is that genetic?”

This year she’ll receive a Bachelor degree in Education.

I fear for the future.