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September 15, 2011 / iainnd

How To Write A Britcom

I may have mentioned once or twice that I wrote a delicious satire play (which is still being performed this weekend and next – call 4225 9407 for bookings). It turns out that it caught the attention of a certain Broadcasting Corporation from Britain – whom I can’t mention by name – and they are quite indeed interested in having me write a sitcom for them, old chap. I can’t say too much here because it’s not finalised and I actually just made this up, but I’m sure you’ll agree that my show would feel quite at home among modern British sitcoms. Hell, this show will have the Moon turning off and on again until computer says no! Read more…

September 5, 2011 / iainnd

Seb Loses His Shit – A True Tale of Horror

I live in Wollongong and work in Sydney. That’s like 82km I have to travel, twice daily. I catch a lot of trains. Read more…

August 11, 2011 / iainnd

My brain is broken

Right now, I am envisioning a window displaying an all white room, empty save for a conveyor belt running across the floor. Each time the belt moves, a different variation of Star Wars storm trooper comes into view, waves, then moves along. The soundtrack to this scene is the intro to Lady Marmalade, with the lyrics identifying what class of soldier is appearing.
Scout trooper, snow trooper
Storm trooper, clone trooper…
On and on.
This has been going through my head for the last half hour.
This is because I am insane. Read more…

August 2, 2011 / iainnd

The Fable of the Coolest Guy Ever

“You ready?” Travis asked quietly. He didn’t want to interrupt Chuck’s preparation. Travis let the question hang in the air as Chuck leaned on the bar, gazing meditatively into – almost through – the glass he held steadily in his hand. As Travis stepped back to give Chuck some space, Chuck lifted his head. He held up a finger, then in one swift motion finished his drink. He slammed the empty glass onto the bar, adjusted the collar of his jacket and cracked his neck.
“Let’s do this,” Chuck sneered. It was time. Read more…

July 1, 2011 / iainnd

Mr Popper’s Penguins, as understood by someone who hasn’t seen it

Mr Popper’s Penguins came out yesterday.


Did you watch the trailer? I didn’t. Here is 100% of my knowledge about the movie:
-It has Jim Carrey
-It has penguins Read more…

June 16, 2011 / iainnd

An Oath for Geoff

My housemate has a thesis due soon. He was asked by his professor to write him an oath that he would hand it in on time. He employed me for this task, asking that it be as ridiculously pretentious as possible. I think I did alright:

By the tolling of the fifth afternoon bell,
On the fifteenth day in July
In this Year of our Lord eleven and twenty hundred
This shall be done:
This, my duty, my goal, my destiny
Verily I do swear to fulfil on the name of my family;
For should I fail in my promise,
Let naught but shame and dishonour
Fall unto the House of Pidcock.
My thesis complete
In two copies hard, inked upon Reflex sheets of white,
Bound in hide of cow by the goblins of AllBook;
With one copy digital, the sum of all my knowledge
In the language of machines, a mass of ones and zeros.
As sure as the sun glows in our sky,
As sure as day becometh night,
As sure as our lease of these earthly bodies of ours expires
And we leave them to the ground to wither to dust,
These things I shall bequeath to you.
May 31, 2011 / iainnd

Creative Writing Assignment

This is something I wrote as an assignment for my Creative Writing class at uni. My first assignment was a short story which I won’t put here because it’s very different from what I usually write.
The criteria stated that across both assignments we were to cover at least two forms out of short story, dramatic script, and poetry, so I wrote this because I decided fuck poetry. It’s due this Thursday, so what I hand in will be largely unchanged from this.
There’s a few jokes in here that I’ve used in other things I’ve written.
Thanks to Aaron for the line about video games.

Enjoy. Read more…