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February 10, 2014 / iainnd

Justin Bieber is Comic Sans

I don’t watch anime, my relationship with trains is best described as “strictly professional”, and if you drop a box of toothpicks and want me to count them all you’re going to have to wait a bit. Though once I get started I’ll probably get distracted by something like interacting with another person.
This, I think, is why I don’t pay much attention to fonts. Ask my what font I used on anything I’ve written, invariably I’ll shrug and tell you “the default”. To me, “serif” sounds like a racial slur. All I care about is that words are readable, and that a capital I looks different from a lower case L because I’m pretty fucking tired of being called Lain. (Side note: why do these idiots think my name begins with a lower case letter, like I’m will.i.am or some shit?)
So I really don’t get why people are always complaining about Comic Sans. It’s completely irrational to me. It’s a font, guys. Chill out. These are people who don’t even work in design. Sons of bitches acting like the signs at the bake sale are written in Windings. You know what the words say, I don’t know what else you’re expecting. Just go have a glass of water and a nap and come back with a fresh perspective. You’ll be okay, champ.

I’m old as hell (I have a chronic back injury and one time I bought a shower curtain and it was the best thing I did all day), so I don’t get to listen to much music these days. However when I do, I play it from a library called “Music That Iain Newton-Doull Enjoys And Nothing Else”. It’s just that. Lots of music that I like and none that I don’t. Surprisingly, it’s not just 95GB of Hey Ya remixes and covers – there’s a decent amount of variety. And it hasn’t just been the same for 10 years. I get recommendations from pals, Last.fm, Grooveshark and so on. Point is, I only listen to the music I want to because I’m a big boy and can make that decision.
This is why I had no idea what a Justin Bieber was until after I’d spent months hearing friends complain about him. I thought he was some kind of unfashionable hat. Not even kidding, in my whole life I’ve only heard one Bieber song. It was on the radio in a store. It wasn’t my bag, but I was able to carry out the rest of my day.
So again, I don’t get the complaints. If it’s that easy for me to avoid his music by accident, then I don’t see what the issue is with these people who can’t stand him. His music is for tweens, so it’s not exactly pub- or club-friendly. Where are you hearing all this Bieber? Like, do you go out of your way to listen to his music just so you have something to complain about? That’s dumb. That’s a dumb thing to do and it’s your own fault. You don’t want to listen to Justin Bieber then just…just don’t do it. It’s not hard, you guys.

Honestly, by this point Justin Bieber and Comic Sans are the exact same thing to me. In both cases, people only complain about them because they’ve seen other people complain. It’s not their own opinion. Then they expect to be congratulated because they’re 25 years old and they dislike something that’s intended for teens. Real edgy opinion you got there, buddy. You don’t like things that aren’t meant for you to like. That’s super cool of you. You don’t pull no punches. And then they rush out to make the exact same jokes about how terrible they are, acting like they’re the first one to say it:
“Hey, you know how Justin Bieber has a high voice? Haha well girls do too! He is a girl, and that is bad and dumb, so he should be mocked.”
“Hey guys I just saw a sign written in Comic Sans, boy did that ruin my day! I won’t be returning to THAT store again! The owners are bad!” “Haha oh man. I hope that Bieber is no longer alive someday soon, that loss of human life would be cool and funny. Haha. Dear God, if we give you Justin Bieber, will you give us back Bob Hope, Steve Jobs and Johnny Cash? Haha I want a person to be dead for making music that I do not like.”

None of this is new. None of it was funny in the first place. Is anyone actually impressed by this shit? Or do you idiots just do it for each other? Are you like the capital-A Atheist types on Reddit who enjoy arguing exclusively with people who agree with you? Do you all just collapse into a pile and start kissing afterwards? Is this the world playing another prank on me, like the continued insistence that dubstep exists? I don’t even remember the last time I wasn’t confused please help me.

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One Comment

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  1. iainnd / Feb 10 2014 3:21 am

    Shit I didn’t even realise that my own blog is in one of those “i = L” fonts. Haha oops.

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